Beautiful La Florida
by The-Daughter-of-Rome
Summary: Short humor fic written just for fun. Oh, and because this fandom has given me too many awkward mental images whenever I think of a certain state. No pairings in particular... UKUS if you squint, I guess? It's more brotherly than anything. Rated for Romano's mouth and England making an unwholesome joke.


_Beautiful La Florida_

* * *

When America walked into the conference room, he counted four people in there. So he wasn't late, for once.

No, it seemed he was in fact early—a rare occurrence.

"Hey dudes!" he exclaimed. He got a response from one person.

"Ve~! Fratello, America's here!" This came from Italy, of course.

Sitting next to him, Romano groaned. "Why? I have enough of a headache as it is."

America frowned. "Why do you have a headache?"

Italy pointed across the room. "Big brother Spain is arguing with England again."

America turned to look, and just noticed that the other two occupants of the conference room were screaming their heads off at each other.

"Really? I hadn't noticed," he said to Italy.

Romano sneered. "Because you're an oblivious idiot, hamburger bastard!"

"I am not oblivious! The doctor said I had ADHD and—"

"Wow, that explains a lot," the southern Italian sniped.

America decided to ignore that comment and instead made his way over to Spain and England.

"—at least I'm not a tomato-obsessed idiot!" England was shouting.

Spain's eyes narrowed. "There is nothing wrong with my tomatoes!"

"GROUP HUG!" America announced, grabbing the two older nations and promptly crushing them together in a bear hug.

"I—what—America, you bloody git! Let go of me this instant!" England squirmed, trying to hit the younger country, but his arms were pinned to his sides.

"_Si, _America, please let go. I do not want to be touching the pirate." Spain wore an expression of utter disgust.

"Ve, America? You should let go of them. You might accidentally crush Spain…"

America sighed and released them. "What were you two fighting about, anyway?"

England huffed, crossing his now-numb arms. "That's none of your business, idiot."

"Why not tell him? He _was _the subject of debate, after all," Spain said cheerfully. "Unless, of course, you're scared he'll agree with me~!"

England sputtered. "Afraid? Of course not!"

"C'mon, England, tell me," America totally not-whined.

"Why don't you ask _Spain_ if you want to hear it so badly."

America shrugged. "Sure. Spain, what were you two fighting about?"

"England was saying that I was a lousy boss for Romano, and that if _he'd _raised him, he would've turned out better—"

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, YOU DAMN BASTARDS!" Romano yelled indignantly from his spot across the room.

Spain continued, "And so I said that if _I'd _raised you, you would've been a happier person and wouldn't have had to rebel!"

America asked, "Why did England say you didn't raise Romano well?"

England answered him. "I accidentally bumped into him earlier, and instead of apologizing like a _proper _gentleman ought to, he proceeded to call me a tea-drinking bastard."

"You_ do _drink a lot of tea," Spain commented. "I don't think that merited such a response to my little Roma."

"Why? What did England do?"

"He called Roma a bloody bugger." Spain pouted.

"I don't even know what that _means_," Romano muttered.

"In any case," England broke in, "Spain then decided to be an idiot and say that I didn't even raise all of you."

"But you didn't," America said.

"Yes, I did. All thirteen colonies!"

"Eh…"

Spain smiled. "You didn't have Florida and California! Florida never belonged to you, England!"

America flushed slightly. "'Course it didn't, why would—"

"You always forget, England! Florida was mine for the longest time." Spain sighed nostalgically. "It was beautiful. Still is, I'm sure… But you've grown up now! I haven't seen Florida lately. How has it changed?"

England paled, completely horrified. His maternal (oh, sorry, paternal) instincts were screaming. _Oh my God. What did he do to my little boy?_

America, on the other hand, had promptly turned beet red.

"It was so nice and hot, too," Spain continued, green eyes faraway. "Mmm. America, you didn't mind having me there, did you? No, you were fine with it until you said I let everything go too crazy there."

"Oh, dear God," England choked. "America, what is he talking about?"

"England! He doesn't mean it like that, I—"

"I can remember you used to visit me so we could have some fun~! Oh, you were so _cute! _So much like my little Roma!"

"LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR PERVERSIONS, TOMATO BASTARD!"

England, who had been white as a sheet, was starting to turn pink. "Bloody _hell_, Spain, no wonder everyone says you're a pedophile!"

Spain blinked. "Eh? Why?"

"DUDE. You can't talk about Florida like that," America complained.

"Why not? Florida was beautiful. _Is _beautiful. Oh, I really ought to go there again sometime…"

America groaned. "Please, Spain. Stop."

Spain pouted. "But you used to like it when I complimented your landscape!"

England exploded. "AMERICA! When the bloody hell did Spain shag you without my knowledge!"

Spain's eyes widened almost comically. "When did I do _what_?"

"NEVER! HE NEVER DID!" America hollered. "Gosh, England, stop thinking so wrong. I mean, I know that sounded weird, but not everyone is a pervert like you!"

England blinked. "Wait… then… what?"

"Dude." America shook his head. "Spain was talking about actual Florida. You know, the state. The land. Whatever. Not… not _my _Florida, if you get my drift."

"Oh." England sighed, relieved. Then he thought of something else and smirked. "Spain also had California, right?"

"Yeah…"

"What does California correspond to?"

In response, America lifted his right hand. "Why do you ask?"

England chuckled. "Oh, no reason. But I see now where you got certain _habits _from…"

Spain was utterly confused by now. He'd just been talking about his former colony, and then for some reason England had said something perverted, and now… what kind of habit had America learned from him?

America was also confused. What about California and Florida? Oh. Wait. He got it now…

"ENGLAND, YOU D-BAG!"

At that moment, Germany walked into the conference room to find the Italy brothers laughing their heads off, Spain looking around with a clueless expression on his face, and a laughing England fleeing an enraged America.

Germany face-palmed. He hated these world meetings…

* * *

**The inspiration for this one-shot comes from my personal experiences. Before I got into the Hetalia fandom, I used to like Florida. A lot. And my friends who **_**were **_**in the fandom would always make fun of me for it. Examples include:**

**FRIEND: So, where are you going on vacation? **

**ME: Florida! **

**FRIEND: HAHAHAHAHA!**

**ME: …Okay then? **

**FRIEND: How was Florida?  
ME: It was really hot. **

**FRIEND: HAHAHAHAHA! **

**ME: What? **

**And I figured Spain wouldn't get it, either. So there we go. Hope you guys enjoyed! **

**Feedback is appreciated. :) **


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